What It Means to Be My Own Inner Dominatrix

I was not always my own inner Domme.


There was a time when I let my inner child run wild, reaching for whatever she wanted in the moment, like eating cookies before dinner, so to speak. She wanted comfort, pleasure, and immediate relief, and I did not always know how to hold her.


So I had to learn.


I had to become a firm, loving Domme for my own self.


And what I discovered is that my inner child does not actually want chaos. She wants to be held. She wants a container. She wants the fierce love of someone strong enough to lead her with devotion.


At the beginning, it was not graceful.


She resisted.
She revolted.
She threw temper tantrums.


She did not trust that my discipline was love.


But with consistency, something changed.


Now she knows that I am not withholding from her out of punishment. I am guiding her because I have her best interests at heart. And in that, trust has been born.

To me, this is the true foundation of any Dom/sub dynamic.

A person cannot fully surrender without trust. And trust is not created through fantasy alone. It is built through consistency, through presence, through being met again and again by someone who can hold the container without wavering.


Lately, I realized that coffee was no longer sitting well in my system. And this was not a small thing for me, because I freaking love coffee. I have been drinking it for almost all my life. I am from Colombia, after all, and my grandfather had a coffee farm. Coffee has been woven into my body, my memories, my culture.


But there came a moment when my own body told me: no more.


So I listened.


At first, it was uncomfortable. I had withdrawal symptoms, extreme fatigue, and a severe headache. My inner child was not pleased. She wanted the old comfort back. She wanted what was familiar.


But instead of giving in, I soothed her.


I let her know that this too would pass. I stayed with her through the discomfort. I held the line, not as punishment, but as love.


And after a few days, my body began to feel better than it had in a long time.


That is when I realized that trust with my inner child had deepened again. She knows now that I will listen to her, but I will also lead her. She knows that my firmness is not cruelty. It is devotion.


This is a daily practice for me and that is the only way I can offer a powerful container for men to surrender.


Because before I can ever hold someone else in their surrender, I must first know how to hold my own.


I must first be willing to become my own inner Dominatrix.